Hookers and Cheaters and Britney, Oh My!

I'm back. Sorry if it looked like I'd abandoned this blog...

Spitzer and Paterson

By now everyone on the planet knows about former New York State governor Eliot Spitzer and his foolishness with high-priced prostitutes and with money-laundering, both on his own end (moving money between accounts to avoid triggering bank secrecy procedures) and in his dealings with the escort service that got him busted (paying a shell company that was under surveillance). He is both a former prosecutor and a former state attorney general, so I think it's fair to say that he couldn't possibly have been any dumber in how he went about his business.

All concerned parties in Albany breathed a sigh of relief at the prospect of dealing with the incoming governor, Spitzer's lieutenant governor David Paterson. But now it's come out that Paterson and his wife have both had affairs in the not-so-distant past. Since he came out with it -- actually they both admitted to having cheated -- it shouldn't really be a major issue, though of course the media is going to milk every drop of coverage they can wring out of it. A greater issue, maybe, is that he misused campaign funds at various times, usually reimbursing the payments later. So what? What politician hasn't dipped into the till and then repaid it later? The crime, when there is one, is using taxpayer funds, or campaign funds, for personal things and then not reporting or repaying. But, as was pointed out today, there are probably plenty of people not at all happy that the man at the top of New York State's government is black. If they can find something, anything, that might discredit him, they could consider it worth their while to fling it at him and see what happens.

That includes today's page 5 article in the New York Daily News on Paterson's past experiments with drugs. There were "whispers" circulating Albany about his past drug use, so he admitted to having used marijuana and cocaine a few times. This was in the 70s, when he was in his early 20s. The man is 53 now. Let it rest.

Or would those same folks rather have to deal with... Governor Joe Bruno, with the potential to be the Republican version of the Democrat "bulldog" Spitzer?

And on top of all this, it now comes out that some political sleazebag (his own self-description) named Stone now claims that he was the one that tipped the Feds off to Spitzer's wrongdoing while he was being paid consultant's fees of $20K a month by Bruno and other Republicans. But -- get this -- Stone claims also that, although Spitzer was in the middle of a smear campaign against Bruno, he
did not tell Bruno about the Spitzer dirt he mailed off to the Feds.

And this is someone with no sense of loyalty (but what sleazebag is ever loyal?) -- he hates Bruno's top aide so much that, even though he considers Bruno his mentor, he'd "happily" bring Bruno down if that's what it takes to put the aide out of the picture.

And they call "Kristin" a whore...

(Except for this line, I don't think Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick deserves even a mention here. "Liar liar," etc.)

Get Your Britney Fix Here

I'm not one to join the Britney Spears media pileon, especially since I'm NOT member of the media, but it's interesting that Britney decided to start her "artistic reputation rehab," as NY Daily News entertainment writer David Hinkley puts it, by taking a cameo role in a sitcom. In this case, "How I Met Your Mother." I've never watched the show, and didn't get a chance to see it last night, but by all accounts she did good. Let's see what happens next...

Humor: Men need some excuses too

Reposted from MelvinDurai.com, and a reprint at that


MEN NEED SOME EXCUSES TOO

There are thousands of male scientists in the world, most of whom do their jobs quite well. But they've failed to fulfill their duty to fellow men. They haven't come up with scientific reasons for certain types of male behavior. They haven't given us adequate excuses for habits like leaving
the toilet seat up, refusing to ask for directions and getting too intimate with the remote control.

Women, it seems, have a monopoly on the excuses. An example of this occurred some years ago in Brookfield, Wisconsin. As reported by the Associated Press, Jaclyn Netzel, 19, was trying to turn her car right when a male driver behind honked and finally drove around her. Netzel and the man exchanged obscene gestures. When they met again at a nearby gas station, Netzel called the man a vulgar name and then slapped him after they argued. Police cited her for
disorderly conduct. Netzel pleaded that she was pregnant. Her pregnancy had evidently caused her body to produce a surplus of a hormone called SMH (Slap Men Hormone).

Netzel told a police officer that "when a female is pregnant, they are more emotional than normal." This is why it's always a good idea to wear body armor when visiting the maternity ward. You could get attacked from all directions. Pregnant women are eager to slap men, because men never have to go through labor. This resentment probably goes back to the Garden of Eden: Adam was too busy inventing rules for football to attend the meeting where God handed out childbirth duties. Even the feminists haven't figured out a way to share this burden with men.

But women have turned pregnancy into an advantage of sorts. A pregnant women can get away with just about anything: turning her husband into an errand boy, consuming pizza for breakfast and ice cream for lunch, eating as if she's giving birth to a whale.

Women who aren't pregnant can also get away with pretty much anything, as long as the timing is right. Picture this courtroom exchange:

Judge: "Miss. Fisher, the jury has found you guilty of hijacking 10 planes, bombing five federal buildings and destroying three Hollywood marriages, all in one day. Do you have anything to say?"

Defendant: "Your Honor, it was that time of the month."

Judge: "Case dismissed!"

If the insanity defense works, it won't be long before women invoke the PMS defense. There's nothing that can't be explained by PMS, which stands for either Perilous Mood Swings or Potential Male Slap. PMS usually lasts just a few days, but like a football game, can go into overtime. Of course, there's a lot of scientific evidence to confirm the effects of PMS. Men can't understand it all, but as with religion, we just have to believe.

If male scientists would get their act together, maybe they'd discover a few afflictions for men. This would help us get some much-needed sympathy and ease all that guilt we feel.

Men who hate to ask for directions probably suffer from something like GCM (Going in Circles Mania). When pestered by his wife to stop at a gas station, a man could say, "Sorry honey, that darned GCM is acting up again."

Men who forget to lower the toilet seat suffer from TED (Toilet Etiquette Deficiency). "Sorry honey, the doctor says it's incurable."

Men who skip church to watch football suffer from PDS (Priority Disorder Syndrome). "You wouldn't understand it, honey. It's a guy thing."

Men who scratch themselves in public suffer from PMI (Primitive Male Itch). "Sorry honey, I can't help it. It's genetic."

Men who caress the remote more than their wives suffer from BPO (Button Pushing Obsession). "Sorry honey, I don't know which buttons to push with you. Do you have one for 'mute'?"

Come on scientists, we need this a lot more than we need cloned sheep.